Smoking cures ham

Posted by E-George on January 9, 2008

So said a bumper sticker on the way to work today. I gaffawed outright. Not because it wasn’t true, or was particularly funny, but because I briefly pondered whether or not smoking could cure ham. And, what kind of disease was ham? It actually took my brain a microsecond to gather that it was a pun. Not to be taken seriously. This is the side effect of being in a 60+ hour work week fog for the last 5 weeks. From the intelligence perspective, it is tantamount to sharpening a bowling ball, really.

In other acts of silliness, I watched the New Hampshire debates last weekend. I’m compelled to point out that Bill Richardson looks disturbingly torpid on the television. I know it’s often said that TV adds 10 pounds, but in his case I’d say it adds more like 40. Too many campaign chicharones and bizcochitos. Chief among his accomplishments that night was when he said he would “negotiate with the Soviet Union” on matters of nuclear non proliferation. Now, props to the man for saying nuclear, and not nyucyular. But, props immediately taken away for wanting to negotiate with a defunct global power. He should have said Russia. Or, even, “Ol’ Vladamir’s place” would have worked. Afterwards, I was expecting him to announce that he would press for congressional legislation against the Lilliputians, declaring them part of the new tetrahedron of evil, which includes the Munchkins, Hogwarts, and the Dutch. Hopefully, his campaign manager has updated Mr. Richardson on the current state of foreign affairs. As for the other candidates, they are equally scary, I feel. But, I had to feel a slight pang of pity for Edwards and Obama who looked quite tired of Hillary using that screechy uh-oh-mom-is-mad voice.

On the Republican side, I have to say that I am very truly freaked out by John McCain. He answers every question in true dodgie Republican style and then, in a strange, almost pavlovian beauty-pagent reaction, his lips would jerk back over his teeth and he would “smile”. I say “smile” because it looked more like he was clenching those cardboard t’s that the dentist puts in your mouth when you’re taking dental x-rays. Then, there was Captain Defensive of the I’m-Pretending-I’m-Electable crusade, Mitt Romney whose answers came straight out of the Republican cookbook: 1 heaping cup of Suck Up To The Current President, 2 TBSP of hair gel per square inch of head, 3 1/4 fluid ounces of Topic Evasion, all blended until smooth with a pinch of LIES LIES LIES. I watched this panel of Republicans (as I are one, myself) with considerable disgust and disdain, getting more progressively creeped out. It was interesting to me to listen to the “top” candidates yip and yap, leaving only 2 candidates who didn’t interject much, and weren’t called on much to respond. Those two candidates, when they did respond, responded with intelligence, gusto, passion, and (heaven forbid) logic. My favorite exchange of th evening went between the affiliate TV station dude, we’ll call him, TV Fella, and Fred Thompson and it went like this (the question is slightly paraphrased, as my memory isn’t perfect):

TV Fella: Would you support legislation that would create a windfall tax to penalize large corporations for excessive annual profits?

Fred Thompson: No.

TV Fella: <staring at Fred Thompson waiting on further elaboration>… … … … No?

Fred Thompson: No.

And, like so many other disenchanted members of my party, I was pleased to listen to Ron Paul state himself so well. Granted, there were a couple of times when it sounded like he was yelling at kids to get off his lawn, but more often he was confident, clear, and unwavering. In fact, the debate moderator was reviewing each candidate’s position briefly and pointing out how dramatically each candidate had shifted positions on a number of issues, the only exception being Ron Paul who, as far as anyone can tell, hadn’t shifted a position in 30 years.

This should prove to be an interesting race. The catchphrase of the year will be “Change” I suspect. Whether or not they mean change in the transformative sense or change in the jingling bits of silver sense, remains to be seen.

Filed Under: Misc - Comments: Read the First Comment



top