A conversation about spelling

Posted by E-George on December 24, 2008

Evelyn is getting a dirty diaper changed by Matthew and the following one-sided conversation took place:

“Oh my Evelyn!”
…
“Do you have a poopy diaper?”
…
“Oh my, yes you do!”
…
“Oh lord.”
…
“Wow.”
…
“Yes, a very poopy diaper.”
…
“P-o-o-p spells POOP. I will never deny you the spelling of POOP the way my mom did to me. I had to spell it p-o-u-p, which is wrong! Poop is spelled p-o-o-p.”

Naturally, there is a story, and it goes as follows:

During some winter of Matthew’s precocious childhood, when the snow covered the ground, Matthew wished very ardently to spell out “poophead” into the snow. More expressly, he wished to carve out the statement, “Craig is a poophead” into the snow; however, he was unsure about the proper spelling of “poop”. He knew how to spell “Craig”, “is”, “a”, and “head” but the exact spelling of “poop” was elusive, so he inquired of his mother who promptly denied him the correct spelling. He badgered Berta persistently yet she held firm. One could assume she knew his intended use of the word. That, or she was four-square against Matthew spelling out “poop” in the snow for any purpose whatsoever. In the end, Matthew was forced into using a hybrid spelling that combined his knowledge of vowel usage and phonetics: poup. Berta’s refusal to enable his continued assault on his brother by denying the spelling of poop has haunted Matthew to this day. Sufficiently so that he has sworn to Evelyn that, by great Odin’s raven, he will make sure she knows how to spell poop correctly, should she ever have the need to write “Craig is a poophead” in the snow.

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