2010: A time to reflect and regret

Posted by E-George on January 6, 2010

It only just now dawned on me that the year is 2010. Yeah, yeah, I knew about New Years and I was even woken up at midnight by neighborhood fireworks and the sonic boom of a large fireworks display put on by one of the golf courses and I was all, “Blah blah a new year blah blah. Wrap up your silly reveling, the new year will still be here in the morning!” But I had to sign and date a document today and consciously had to tell myself to write 2010. That got me to thinking, which is a dangerous proposition on most occasions, What was I doing ten years ago? Once I thought that thought I immediately didn’t like where my long-term memory banks took me because I’ve worked very hard to try to NOT think about those years.

Ten years ago I was still married to TheEx. He had convinced me to buy a generator and a rain barrel, and on December 31, we literally hunkered down in our house, watched TV, and waited for Y2K to end the world as we knew it. In the months preceding new years, I had the most vivid dreams about Y2K looters breaking into our house, shooting my husband dead, and asking politely if they could please have our canned goods and toothpaste while I gave them directions back to the interstate. In November, 2000 we took a cruise through the Caribbean, courtesy of his employer who bought tickets as a Christmas bonus. That trip probably represented the longest amount of time that we had gone without some sort of negative event that caused a major blow out. We did, in fact, have a series of negative events but they never escalated past a few hours of pouting and was nothing a couple of Foster’s oil cans didn’t fix. In December of that year I had what was probably THE most memorable restaurant meals of my life when TheEx’s employer took us out for dinner at The Milagro Grill and Brewery in Bernaillo. I had Duck à l’Orange with a sweet potato au gratin and a dessert of a deep-fried Oreo® cookie topped with a scoop of fresh-made vanilla ice cream and raspberry coulis. Holy eight-pound sweet baby Moses, I can still taste the red chile they added to that l’Orange sauce. One of my strongest memories of that time in the marriage was checking the calendar to count the days or weeks since the last incredible yelling talk-down in order to estimate when the next one would occur. I got pretty good at it until he lost(quit) his job – then all bets were off. It was going to be another three long years before I disentangled myself from that particular individual. And, it’s been a not-so-bad six years since.

Naturally, once I travel to the East Compton of my personal memory grid, I am drawn back to current circumstances where the comparisons are quickly drawn and the rightness of leaving TheEx are reinforced. Also, it’s easier to look at this start of the coming 10 years with more positivity than I viewed the world in 2000. I have things this year that make all the difference in the world. I have people in my sphere of consequence that are healthy, constructive, and full of pure awesome (you know who you are). And, I have Evelyn! As long as I see her grinning face while she ham-fists her xylophone then I feel like I can. Just that. I. Can. And, I. Will. So, Ha. Ha. On. All. You. Doubters (you know who YOU are).

At the start of a new decade, it feels like renewal and possibilities are all the more shiny. There is the hope of prospects, both personal and commercial. I don’t use the word “hope” quite as flippantly as some have come to. I don’t think of “hope” as a raining down of magical wish-giving unicorn kisses, but “hope” as in “options.” I look at “hope” as the option to choose, to take action, to exert, stretch, and otherwise flex any and all muscles both physical and psychological. “Hope” to me is seizing the opportunity to take my circumstances and make the most out of them – whatever they may be or evolve into. Lemons in to lemonade? Maybe. Lemons into lemon cream pie with a towering pile of freshly whipped cream tinged with just the right amount of vanilla? Most assuredly.

I’ve scoffed at the idea of new year’s resolutions, and hold fast to the notion of goal setting. Last year, I made a list of goals, so let’s review and see if I met any of them, shall we?

1. Raise Evelyn

So far so good. She is in the process of being raised, but we seem to be on track.

2. Try not to win the Crap Mom award for 2009.

Hm. I’m pretty sure I was nominated a couple of times…

3. Get to work on time or early each work day.

Solution: Quit the job! Done!

4. Drink no more than 1-2 caffeine-free diet sodas per week.

I think if you took the aggregate number of sodas I consumed and divided it by 52, I’d be about there.

5. On the days I’m home from work take Evelyn for a long walk, even if it is only on the treadmill.

Solution: Quit the job! Done! Plus, we do go for walks several times per week.

6. Actually employ the exercise ball for exercise.

Solution: Sell it! I sold it in a yard sale this last summer.

7. Actually exercise the at least 4 times per week to start reduction of the post-baby done-lops.

Well, my intention was there, but the execution was quite bungled. Matthew and I are trying a joint effort this year, so hopefully better results will come from it. I need to jettison the last 20 lbs from pregnancy, and with Evelyn practically not nursing any more this should be more realistically attainable.

8. Stick to our family budget.

This I’m really good at. In fact, Matthew has basically handed over the budget reigns so he can focus on other things, like, you know, keeping the income coming in.

9. Have monthly budgeting summits with my husband.

Yeah…. not so much with this. Although, with me in charge of the budget it’d be good for him to get the synopsis from time to time.

10. Try a church bible study.

I tried my Mom’s bible study and liked it a lot. It has become difficult to carve out the gas money needed to travel to Los Lunas every week, so I’ve fallen off the wagon, as it were.

11. Get all our music put to the NAS device and the CDs sold.

Nope. Not done.

12. Put the money from the CD sales towards the mortgage.

Solution: Sell the house! Done! Problem is, we got another house, so we still have a mortgage. Hm.

13. Create a direct-to-DVD release of “Evelyn 2008: The Beginning”.

I’ve been making movies and posting them throughout the year – that should count.

14. Create 2006/2007/2008 individual year movies cataloging that year’s events.

No. And, come to think of it, why bother?

15. Get a passport.

Papers were sent to the Department of Giving Out Passports yesterday!

16. Learn how to use Final Cut Pro, and its companion softwares Soundtrack and LiveType.

Still on the agenda.

This year has more goals, but most of them are regarding another mysterious project that I won’t be talking about again until (or, frankly, if) it gets off the ground. Some goals I can mention include:

1. Plant a hefty vegetable garden.
2. Can as much produce from that garden as exceeds what we can eat.
3. Can pickles using baby dills – so can early.
4. Can jams using fresh fruit.
5. Teach Evelyn her letters, numbers, basic shapes, and colors.
6. Teach Evelyn more sign language to improve her communication abilities.
7. Stick to the day-to-day chore list to thus create a happy, mildly contented husband
8. Paint and decorate Evelyn’s room using this as my new decorating inspiration.
10. Sell more than $1000 in Avon per campaign.
11. Go on a family vacation to someplace new, or at least someplace different.

Now, I have to take “hope” and turn it into that lemon cream pie we were talking about.

Filed Under: Thank you, and GOOD NIGHT! - Comments: 3 Comments to Read



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